Lainey =)

2012-02-16T18:24:00.001+08:00

What if, we aren't who we think we are?

What if all the decisions we make nowadays are just based on how we currently feel, with no reason, no judgement?

What if.. ?

Venting out a little frustration.

2011-12-08T17:01:00.001+08:00

I'm actually really happy that I'm done with my finals.
But I can't really deny the fact that there's so much more on my mind.
As usual, mothers are being a pain in the ass.
And she thinks I'm the pain cause I don't like sitting at home.
Seriously, the first thing in life is to embrace individualism. HAHA.
seriously. Not that I don't care about my family or anything, but I still need a life of my own.
I firstly, need to state that I do not go out ALL the time. there ARE times when I do get sick of going out. Don't compare me to my brother cause we are DIFFERENT. He gets to go out for outstation trips and I don't get it. He goes for late night stuffs and I don't. Now, the only thing I do that he doesn't is: Go out frequently. so.. I still don't get why I'm being compared to him -.- Not that he never had the privilege. We're just different in exercising our freedom. I think my parents are sexist to a certain extent.

And.. I'm not going out today just cause I wanna. I mean. I know its my dad's birthday. I don't mean to miss it but my bestfriend is literally leaving Malaysia tonight for the next 4 years or at least that's the estimated duration of her stay. I mean, it'll change, right? considering that she hasn't bought her return ticket! -.- and its just ONCE. I'm already spending EVERY New Year's with my family. I don't miss family outings. I don't miss family gatherings. So.. I still don't get the big deal.

Finals are over with today but somehow.. I think its just not my HD subject =(

And yes, I will commit an adequate amount of time to my new dog.. Yes. the 4th dog in my house has arrived. LOL.

2011-10-27T01:25:00.002+08:00

Memories.

They've been haunting me since.. forever.

I'm still up.

After many attempts of trying to sleep.

Yes, I'm here again.

To pour out all my stupid thoughts.

I wonder now, was that how he felt when he had to do it to me?

I thought that people love you and hate you for the way you are.

They don't change you.

They make you want to change by yourself for the better.

At least those who love you would.

I'm happy.

Very.

And I'm taking advantage of it.

I'm guilty now.

For these thoughts.

For the words I said.

For the way I acted.

Sillyness.

2011-10-16T15:32:00.005+08:00

The little things in life always seem to get people on their nerves.

The other little things in life seems to make people feel so happy and over the moon.

A little, goes a long way.

I'm glad my PMS week is over.

It was getting on everyone's nerves.

Why can't men be the one with PMS? -.-

Its a silly question but why...? o.o

Anyways, I'm cherishing the awesomeness of being a girl.

Being treated like one.

And being appreciated for it.

I guess I'm off to study now.

Been playing Tetris Battle since forever.

Its so addictive

but I've got 3 more papers for mid terms =(

MOO HOO! =(

2011-10-14T15:45:00.000+08:00

I'll let it go.
I'll let it all go.
For the next 4 days.
I just don't wanna be disturbed.
I just wanna be... doing what needs to be done.

Stupid Fucktard

2011-10-14T15:37:00.004+08:00

Why does it feel like I've gotta beg for things that I want?
I never used to have to.
Why is it that things go all wrong once everything starts feeling all right?
Everything is getting more fucked up by the day and I just need a fucking break.
My tear ducts are tired. they don't deserve to be over worked.
Everyone does almost everything for a reason.
But I do it for you. and thats it. Thats my only reason.
Thats the only reason that makes me do things. FOR YOU.
Sacrifices. It all used to not matter. I never calculated.
Now, why does everything seem to have to be on a scoreboard?
Feels stupid for doing that.
Feels stupid for having feelings.
Feels ever more like an ass that things get so screwed up.
Feels like a fucktard once things affect my studies.
I'll let you be the judge of who's that stupid fucktard.

I miss you =)

2011-09-11T19:01:00.004+08:00

Is it any wonder that I miss you now?

Is it any wonder that old memories remind me of how much I miss spending time with you?

Even though its just by texting, a short meet up or a talk over coffee?

There's more than 7 billion people on this earth and I'll never find anyone like you. Ever.

I don't believe that we can drift apart. If we could spare 10 minutes on the phone, an exchange of a text for a brief update, a few clicks and typing of the keyboard on twitter or facebook, nothing can drift us apart.

I don't want you to leave before I regret not doing any of these. I wanna make you feel like you're worthy of everything.

I wanna capture every picture of every laugh and anything I can keep to remind me of you.

I wish time would stop when I'm with you cause every time I'm with you, time passes like the wind.

I miss you. Do you miss me too?

To you. Yes, YOU.

#stupidity -.-

2011-09-11T10:23:00.004+08:00

Confessions of a trafficker

Seriously click on that link and READ!

WTFug. People actually sell their body for RM80?!

GIRLS can actually do that?! I mean. seriously.

Even if you wanna sell yourself, can't you make yourself more like a geisha?!

People actually bid for their virginity back then! -.-

People are starting to lose themselves more often than not. I don't get why people think so little of themselves.

Start appreciating yourself and get someone who appreciates you for who you are.

Not one who tells you, you're anything but perfect.

Traffickers are just stupid. I agree that the world is overpopulated. (especially with the lack of Y chromosome) but that doesn't allow you to sell people! Talk about inhumanity.

Then again. people are rather stupid nowadays. You wanna earn money but you don't wanna sacrifice your time. Money doesn't come falling from the sky just like that. If you think you can't support so many children, then don't be so active. What's the point in having so many children, and is only able to provide them the most basic form of necessities, and struggling everyday to make ends meet? Its already enough that the world is overpopulated. I don't think the world needs your contribution to make the it smaller than it already is.

I wonder. Has anyone ever thought about adopting?

#upset.

2011-09-11T09:57:00.004+08:00

I really don't get why local telco companies wanna impose tax on prepaid lines!

I'm not much of a person who comments on news a lot. but this is just stupid.

Its not like they aren't earning enough from teens who text the whole day long.

Yes, I've got a whole lot of experience in that.

And I'd say I choose prepaid cause it was WAY cheaper and it was easier to budget your expenses on the phone.

Yeah. The last time the telco companies want people to have a post paid number with a certain number of years of obligatory, they introduced iPhones, Blackberries and Androids.

Are they just trying to get people to change to postpaid? Talk about capitalism! -.-

Stupid telco companies. Making me upset.

Sometimes, it'd be nice to go back to the nomad times. SOMETIMES.

ANNOYANCE !

2011-09-11T09:20:00.002+08:00

I really hate it when I've gotta think twice about everything I say.

I hate it when my personal space becomes somewhere I've gotta think about others.

I hate it that facebook is being so retardedly filled with family members.

I can't do what I want.

I say what I want.

And its not like they care.

Everyone just browses through other people's pages to pick up gossip and spread more rumours around.

That's my first complaint at 9.30 in the morning.

I hate how people are so inconsiderate. Just because you're up doesn't mean everyone else is up.

And it doesn't mean that when you sleep like a log, everyone does ! -.- people can be so retarded.

Not that I hate people. But my brother started banging the door at 9 am that woke me up then I heard sounds of someone using the lidi broom to sweep the dried leaves. Seriously, people? Now my brother is listening to 'Defying Gravity' by Glee. Yes its nice. But Its not nice after 3 days of listening to the same song!! -.-

Well, I forgot my point of this post cause I got so annoyed -.-

2011-08-13T15:59:00.002+08:00

When you have someone,

You'd always ask them to go.

Just to see if they will,

Sometimes, you ask them to go,

knowing they'll say no.

But when they really leave,

You'll wish you didn't say any of those things.

You keep little sentimental things just to remind you

That what you had was real,

It was true.

And now the reality of their non existence as well.

Which truthfully, is a suffer.

The Fishy Theory of You.

2011-08-04T20:40:00.002+08:00

You throw your words,

like a fisherman throws his bait into an ocean,

waiting for A fish. just any fish. to come take the bait.

and there you have it. YOUR fish.

Well, this fish here is just gonna swim away.

Bye bye.

Only..

2011-07-26T21:29:00.003+08:00

; between 2 lines of enemies, while watching your more favourable side face the unfriendliness of war.

;between not wanting to lead you on but protecting you.

;exposing lies and keeping friends.

ZOMG. LIFE.

Something for you =)

2011-07-24T21:31:00.004+08:00

Just some things in my head I needed to clear.

College is a bitch with all the workload (okay, its not that much if you actually don't procrastinate. But really. WHO DOESNT?) but some thing about college and my high school life that I've gained that no one can take away; Friends.

This year;

I had my best birthday ever.

I found people who I can call bestfs and I know I can count on them.

I know that they love me back too =)

I found friends who accepts me as OCBC/banana/blondie/nerd or whatever they think of me...

Do you know that,

; I cry, cause I'm so afraid of losing my bestfriends?

; I tell my bestfriends that I love them a lot. (well, sometimes, not)

; I rarely text them but when I do, its like some tsunami wave of rubbish information/complaints/rants?

; I complaint most to my bestfriends?

; I talk about rubbish to my bestfriends?

; I call them when I feel stressed or sad just to talk it all out and I know that they will say the right things to make me feel better?

; I usually hit them on the face? (kinda slap. haha! is that normal?)

; I occasionally give my bestfs kisses? (to the guys and girls)

; I think its normal to hug them for ages and bug them like no body's business?

; I wish I was a better friend.

; I secretly thank them for always listening to my stupid rants.

; I wish we hung out more often.

; I can be damn stonned sometimes cause I told you too too many things.

; I sound so stupid around youu... HAHA.

ZOMG. SO MANY MORE THINGS.

BOTTOM LINE; I LOVE YOU =)

but you know who you are =)

Limitations of Words

2011-07-24T19:56:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I think I'm too smart. I'm over confident and I'm stupidly always wanting in. I'm not enough to comprehend you, who you are and whatever you've been through. I was never enough to be made anything special. I wish the tables would turn, that somehow I'd have this brain smart enough to have more sane, matured thoughts. I never knew how I could be so naive. I've always been so self centred. Only thought about all my problems and always think that no one else's down could be lower than mine. I was right at some point. but right now, after reading it all, all my problems, summed up would not be even 5% of what you've been through. I feel so small right now.

You know, there're reasons why people never tell you things. If they don't, then don't find out. There're definitely higher chances of you finding out things that hurt yourself rather getting to know more pleasant things. I'm that stupid person who always finds things out. I've learnt that lesson but my curiosity just overpowers me. It gives me so much enthusiasm to know things. Well, not really things that would help me in my academics, really. Just.. things about you.

I'm outta words already =/ although there're like 10 other things in my mind =/ kay. I shall just go off for now =) Tata :)

Dear bestf's =)

2011-07-15T02:04:00.003+08:00

Dear Bestfs,

Firstly, I'd like to say that I love you =)

You are the only people who I can say, 'I love you' and genuinely mean it.

You're the only people who I can depend on.

You know, when they say, 'if you're happy, I'm happy'? Well, yes. You can make me feel that way.

You can make me cry, wonder and worry like no other.

Even in the midst of all these hectic-ness and whatever I'm going through, you all can make me feel like there's not a worry in the world that would ever pull me down. except my worry for you.

You're a jigsaw puzzle that complete's part and parcel of my life, make it whole and complete.

You care for me like no other, and I love that sometimes, while being such a bitch, you can still put up with me.

You help me through those times when I needed you most.

You made me realise so many things that I never did. You teach me so much.

You make me feel like I can be whoever I wanna be and not worry about fitting in.

Each of you keep little secrets of my life.

During the times, when I feel like everything is such a down, and I feel like giving up, you make everything better, give me hope and be with me till the very end.

Every line that I've written here, has got something to do with someone. And those few someone-s make up this whole post.

I'm sorry that I can go missing all of a sudden and appear all over again.

Deep down of my heart, I've really gotta say that.. "I love you"

Although I just met some of my friends, I think that there's definitely more to that than just this

=) you know who you are =)

Thanks for making me feel so special on my birthday =)

Thanks for the greetings, gifts, calls and surprise =)

I love you =)

Monthly Celebration of Love =)

2011-07-14T13:44:00.003+08:00

; by the Korean culture =)

January 14 is known as the Diary Day. It’s the day when lovers exchange diaries as a sign of love. It can also be one-way or only one person gives a diary to the person he/she loves. It can also be accompanied with flowers.

February 14, of course everyone knows it as Valentine’s Day. But unlike other traditions, on this day, the girls are the ones who give chocolates to the person she likes or loves. It can sometimes be a sign of confession.

March 14 is the White Day. This is payback day for the girls. On this day, the boys are the ones who give candies to the girl he likes or loves. It is also a way to confess their love.

April 14 is what they call Black Day. On this day, those who are single or not in a relationship meet and eat black noodles together.

May 14 has two celebrations. One is the Rose Day, where lovers exchange roses as a sign of their love. And the other is Yellow Day, where those who weren’t able to eat black noodles the previous month eat yellow curry rice.

June 14 is their Kiss Day. It is when lovers kiss each other to confirm their love.

July 14 is known as the Silver Day. On this day, lovers exchange silver rings as a sign of their love. Together with rings, they make a promise of the future.

August 14 is a Music Day! It is a day to give someone a CD that’s full of love songs.

September 14 is the Photo Day. A day for lovers to take pictures and keep them as a memory of their love. [

October 14 is what they call Wine Day. It is when lovers drink wine together to celebrate their love.

November 14 also has two celebrations. One is the Movie Day. Lovers watch movies together while holding each others hand. Another is the Hug Day, the day to give hugs to your loved ones.

December 14 is also carrying two celebrations. Money Day, where you spend generously for the person you love, and Socks Day, where people give socks in advance for Christmas.

The Very Last

2011-07-10T18:10:00.002+08:00

Have you wondered what you're gonna do..

If today was your last day?

If you never get to see that one person you've been wanting to see for so long ever again?

If you realise its too late for tomorrow?

If the last goodbye is the one you're saying to right now on the phone?

If you never got to tell the person you love 'I love you'?

If time runs out and the feelings fade, ties severe, the words you want to say just never comes out till its too late?

London Olympics =)

2011-07-10T12:40:00.004+08:00

Honestly, I'm looking forward to London Olympics.

Skip the events first =)

Everyone needs the mascots to hype people up =)

And they are so super cute ! =)

They remind me so much of Monster's Inc =)

2011-07-07T23:12:00.002+08:00

As I start to wonder, I have expectations.

But after a while, I ask myself if I'm in any position to expect.

What's the expectation to begin with?

The higher the expectations, usually has a bigger downfall.

I cant help to think about it sometimes.

Just a little wonder in me.

If anyone really remembers me, loves me, or cares about me.

What if what I'm going through, right now is a hoax?

Like once I snap out of this, I'mma lose everything?

There's so many things running through my mind. about this.

Recently, I met someone.

Who reminded me of who I used to be.

The things that I did.

I'm slowly adapting to that old me.

But its still a little difficult.

Sometimes, its also a wonder.

As to how much you can love someone?

I know that the only few people I can genuinely say I love you.

Are my bestfriends.

But I wonder how else can you love someone so unconditionally.

2011-06-27T20:10:00.002+08:00

DEAR HANA,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABES.

I love you ! :D

2011-06-05T12:59:00.003+08:00

Has it ever occurred to you that beneath all happiness and joy that I surface,

Is a botttomless cup of sorrow?

I just never made it an issue

2011-05-22T00:32:00.002+08:00

If there's one thing I'll never understand, its YOU.

Seriously.

I dont know why you lied.

Why you led me on.

Why you kept giving my hopes.

Kept adding. this sort of.. thoughts into my mind.

And somehow you just never ocured to you that i'll find out?

I dont get it.

Okay.

Fine.

I do miss you maybe 2 seconds in a day almost every few days.

THATS it.

BUT I DONT GET WHY YOU DID THIS TO ME.

could you just tell me?

At least. just tell me what was on your mind when you thought about that.

Now I understood why you NEVER took the effort.

MADNESS DRIVES THE TRUTH OUT OF ME.

2011-05-12T18:16:00.000+08:00

I say mean things when I'm really mad.

I say things that actually make sense.

Just not in a very nice way.

But how else is there to express my anger?

I speak the truth of what's in my mind.

Really,

STUPID PEOPLE PISSES ME OFF.

But who am I to rate you as stupid or smart?

But its just people who I perceive as stupid.

You may not be stupid in the eyes of many

But people have different points of view.

Status Quo.

2011-05-10T19:20:00.003+08:00

I don't know if I'm right or wrong.

But I think I know where this is heading to.

I'm doing what I can so we don't have to fall into a manhole

and then make our way back up again.

I don't wanna lose what I have.

I don't need anything more than I already have.

I wanna maintain the status quo.

Call me stupid for doing what I did but

thats the easiest way for me to handle it.

2011-05-09T01:57:00.001+08:00

I guess I'm not feeling very happy now.

Its kinda cause... I cant sleep.

AND I really need this sleep.

Cause I dont wanna stone during lectures tomorrow =/

and Cause I dont wanna have a migraine when I get up.

another thing is. I've got a 4 hour break tomorrow.

FML .

I went hiking today.

GOT LIKE A LOAD OF MOSQUITO BITES

thats like annoying the hell outta me! =/

YEs i'm trying to STOP scratching.

but seriously. its annoying as hell!

THANK YOU.

2011-04-29T00:15:00.002+08:00

thank you for all the lies you told.

thank you for all those times you lead me on.

thank you for showing me that nice people can turn out to be ass holes as well.

thank you for actually making me feel like i am special.

you know what?

there's so many things i want to thank you for.

that i dont remember.

i knew the signs were coming.

i saw them.

i ignored them.

but still.

good luck with your next meeting with karma.

it'll fuck you in the butt till you get haemorrhoids.

i couldnt thank you more.

but i just be thankful

that nothing went far enough.

it was just all in my head.

thank you.

for not penetrating those walls.

i've built.

now.

its just gonna get thicker.

and the next person who plans no knock it down,

will have to do much more than just THAT !

so thank you.

Parking Systems?!

2011-04-18T17:22:00.004+08:00

Okayy. PARKING TICKETS!

In KL, we have,

1. Car park ticket machine. - where we pay the ticket at the autopay machine.

2. Meter - where we put coins in.

3. Another car park ticket - where we put in coins, press the car number plate, and put the ticket on the dashboard.

I think thats about it.

In Melaka and Ipoh they have. A coupon. Where the very trustworthy citizens are entrusted to sincerely mark the time, day and date. (i think certain places uses the meter thingy)

BUT ! IN SEREMBAN!

HOMG !

I parked my car.

I saw this man coming and writing something on a piece of paper.

I rushed to the car to get my car out in hope that I could jump the summon.

THEN!

my dad asked me to go pay.

PAY WHAT?!

the parking fee.

I NEVER KNEW THIS WAS A LEGAL COLLECTION!

I thought it was like those.. people who wants to collect money for NOTHING.

was about to drive off then my daddy asked me to stop and pat.

OKAYYYYYY. how's the lady gonna know how much I needed to pay?

err. then my daddy honked me. scrolled down the window. and told me there's a paper on the windscreen.

OHHHHHHHHH!! SO THATS the 'summon'

=.="""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

you're bad at acting. so Quit it, please.

2011-04-15T00:11:00.003+08:00

Being Nice has a limit.

I guess you've reach mine.

Its not that I'm faking all the nice ness.

But being nice to you is so torturing.

I feel so suffocated by compromising with others.

You, specifically.

I dont mind accommodating to whatever you want or need.

But cant you be a little bit more considerate?

You have no fucking sense of timing and planning.

I REALLY dont mind sending you anywhere and everywhere at any given time.

But seriously, If you have NOTHING on your fucking agenda,

cant you plan things so that I dont have to get suck in a fucking jam

for NOTHING?!

fucking hell,

If you think, just because you're the bride to be and everyone should be nice to you,

I can do the total opposite.

That is if you get on my nerves.

And YES.

I drive fast when you're in the car just to let you know how fucking pissed i am.

Oblivious.

Ignorant.

Senseless.

Bitch.

Senseless, yes.

I showed you how pissed I am

and you just turn and ask me about how you look in evening gowns for your fucking wedding.

And you compare the moving traffic to the still traffic in Arizona.

Please. You're not making things any better.

This is Malaysia, its where you are RIGHT NOW.

No comparisons,

just use your brains a lil.

You're fucking 30+,

and if you dont know how to CARE for others,

then I'll just do the same on you.

You think you're being refined?

by the way you talk to your fiancee,

its like you're a frigging baby.

or just another little girl.

trying to act cute.

you can do that, but please. in front of me,

I just think its disgusting.

You try to speak in the most poised and graceful ways,

but no make up or mask will ever cover your true nature.

its so obvious,

when you speak in chinese towards the people at home.

even your own parents,

so what if you've been abroad?

Just dont forget who made the effort and shared the burden to get you where you are now.

your parents may not be the best pair around,

but they're still your parents.

at least,

let them feel like they belong in your life.

its your fucking wedding.

but whatever it is,

just please try not to be rude to those who care for you.

2011-04-13T20:21:00.001+08:00

I just need that inspiration.

Blind Bats. and Shallow Minds.

2011-04-13T12:31:00.002+08:00

I have to say.

That I'm just fucking pissed.

Cause some people just have a bad sense of timing.

Fucking hell.

The world isnt yours, you know.

And you're not the one who's driving.

That doesnt mean you can ignore the feelings of the person who's sacrificing time and making the fucking effort to make things work.

I HATE TRAFFIC JAMS!

You should've known the first time you sat in my car

That I plan all my outings so that I can miss the fucking jam.

Thanks for being oblivious and fucking blunt.

MLTR.

2011-04-12T22:55:00.003+08:00

I'm 18.

Yes. I Do wanna go for MLTR.

What's wrong with that?!

no, I dont chase them. Knowing their names, when they cut their hair. who had a car crash. who they married, what dog they have or the names of their dog.

But their songs are like.. classics!

I wonder. Am I the only 18 year old who is pretty much into their songs? =/

Fantasies that keeps me going.

2011-04-11T02:34:00.003+08:00

I wonder why,

I feel like going up to you.

For the greatest hug in the world.

I wanna hold onto you.

And feel you around me.

I wanna dance.

Under the rain.

In the ball room.

And anywhere possible.

And end it all with a good night's kiss.

Sometimes,

That makes me wanna go the extra mile.

To make things happen.

To make sure it goes on well.

Then again.

Its just a fantasy.

I think,

I should lay off chick flicks for a day or two =P

RAWR.

2011-04-06T11:23:00.002+08:00

Not a want

But a need.

To have you here.

To keep me company.

To talk to me.

To keep me fascinated as you always do.

To have a sensible yet mindless conversation.

To give me a taste of what the world is like.

Of what you are like.

Cause I dont wanna forget how you look like.

Or forget how your voice sounds like.

Or even forget you name.

Some Stuff Off Dan's Tumblr. But Its True.

2011-04-06T10:43:00.003+08:00

Leave the past where it belongs.

2011-04-06T01:25:00.003+08:00

You come and go like the wind.

Leaving no marks, prints or even a stain.

I wish I could turn back time to day days,

When I could've called you mine.

We never even had a first kiss.

What more a last.

2011-04-03T22:17:00.001+08:00

Its like .

I know that you're lying.

But you're not suppose to know that I know.

And.

It just makes me wanna cry.

Fuck off.

Please.

That's all I'm asking for.

the smallest things in life.

2011-03-31T21:59:00.003+08:00

sometimes, the things that seems small to you might actually have an amount of significance to someone. I never really realised it but today my maid came knocking on my door asking me to get the gardener's pay cause he's coming tomorrow. I went in and got it from my dad. I never realised this. but I came into my room and literally threw the money onto my table. I mean. Maybe its nothing big. I mean that amount of money to me was something I was so used to holding, and seeing, and SPENDING that I forgot the actual value of it. For me to throw that kind of money at this age, I think I'm really spoilt. I never knew that I was actually throwing money that someone would treasure, and actually put it to more use than I did/do. He practically slaved himself for 12 hours in the hot sun for that amount of money. That I would have basically used up in a few days. I know what I'm saying. I dont understand why this epiphany. but I think I've been so self absorbed, so much in my own world. only caring how I feel like and stuffs..errr. yeahh. stuffs. that I kinda ignored reality. Ugh. I'm starting to hate myself for that.

randomness

2011-03-30T15:28:00.002+08:00

Enthusiastic . Hopeful. Innocence. Adorable.

This goes out someone who liked me for sometime.

I'm glad you found someone who truly loves and appreciates you for the way you are. I know you've actually tried many ways to please me but I guess there's a limit. I'm happy that you didn't have to change yourself for someone to love you. Sorreyh if I unintentionally led you on. I never meant to. But now, I guess we can be friends :) haha.

Back to reality. MY DAUGHTER is so adorable.

She's checking out guys on Omegle. HARHAR.

she says. 'the wind is so windy' =o omg. little girls are soooo cute.

I just finished another lil bottle of Vitagen. WAI the hells are they so addictive? =/

okays. I gotta go blog some other time. neighbour just called for some help =/

WAOSERS. I'm sho tired as it is. hmms. nvm. kaybai.

If I Told you I AM happy.

2011-03-30T03:16:00.001+08:00

White Rose: representation of unity, virtue, and the pureness of a new bond of love.

RAGE!

2011-03-29T16:52:00.002+08:00

Fucking fucktard just makes me wanna throw this onto someone's face.

The Last Letter.

2011-03-24T16:45:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry, I didn't have the guts to go up to you. To thank you in a proper manner for everything you've done.

I just didn't know what to say while being in front of you.

But now I just want thank you for everything.

For the memories. The special moments. The feeling of being love and to love someone in the same way. You've thought me things that many wont be able to. I'm glad to have had you in my life at the most crucial moments of my youth. You put up with so much. My flaws. And the whole unexpected package of mental bombardment. And accepted me for my flaws as I have accepted you to be the person you are and not put a label. It was easy, as I loved you. You've showed me all the many sides of you and I'll never forget them. I was happy that you tired to put a smile on my face all the time. I remember the times where I would call you for absolutely no reason. And I'm glad we had those little conversations. You were definitely my pillar of strength and the source of unfaltering encouragement. One thing I'm really amazed about you is your sense of timing. I guess, everything happened at the right time. Lastly, I thank you for your truthfulness, honesty and loyalty. I almost never had a doubt.

Memories like this will be kept in the shadows of my mind, only taken out when alone to be smiled at and appreciated. I'm sorry people never see you for the great person you are but have a stigma in their minds about you. I loved all the excitement and trill of being that someone you cared for. I've moved on and used past tense whenever the story is repeated but I will not forget these little presents you left me with.

Call me a coward for not being able to tell this to you personally. But somehow I feel this is the best way to express myself to you and the world.

I think i miss someone really badly right now.

2011-03-22T02:48:00.003+08:00

I know you're not really gonna read this.

So I'mma say it out loud.

I really miss you.

but no I'm definitely not gonna be the one to say ''Hi"

There's just so many things on my mind.

Results will be out on Wednesday.

and by Monday, I'll be going to college. OH WOW!

OH. anyways. I'm glad tomorrow is finally arriving.

Cause my maid is gonna be coming back (Y)

Living without her was hell. but I survived.

I wanna go surprise her by picking her up !

Just like how she surprises me by making the most awesomest food in the world sometimes.

And yes, I'm just gonna leave my room in a mess.

Cause she's gonna be cleaning ittt (Y)

Anyways. I had a great day with the bestf today. I'm glad we hang out more often nowadays.

cause it just reminded me of how much I miss her.

I miss my other bestfriend too but i think i did stuffs to indirectly.. widen the gap?

its my fault really. but sometimes. its like i cant voice out my own opinion based on what's been REALLY told. and stuffs. I just dont know how to go about it. I'm not saying i wanna avoid her. but i just wanna stay away before i cause anymore gaps. i hope she reads this tho. cause i do miss her. loads. and my other bestf too. why cant things just be normal? i really didnt wish we splitted up like this.

Anyways. I think i miss someone really badly right now

I sometimes wonder do you miss me?

if so, How?

cause waiting for you is like waiting for a lifetime to be over.

3rd and 4th day without a Kakak, =/

2011-03-11T20:26:00.002+08:00

WEELLL to begin with. IT AINT THAT BAD!

so from the pictures, i'm guessing you've guessed what's going on.

today i spent 11 hours, getting my P. omfg. its a long wait. but i got it ;)

but now i guess my new focus is on Japan since the concern is now on all the natural disasters going on =/

3rd and 4th day without a maid.. is.. okay. i didnt do much, really. so yeahhh. had time :) nothing much to blog about these 2 days.

except that i got my P :)

promise not to drive after drinking ;)

and now, I'm REALLY sleepy =.=

selfishness.

2011-03-08T22:50:00.003+08:00

Anyways. second day without a maid.

i feel my nails starting to get weaker =/
I've been so sleepy today! =/
i never knew how to work the washing machine =/ what more the dryer?
i love driving (Y)
my doggies shit a lot.
think its time to look for recipes :) i havent actually cooked or baked anything real in a while.

Reason for putting a HUGE I as a picture is simple.

selfishness.

men are selfish.

well most of them are. not that women arent. (and i'm not really keen on being associated with any of them materialistic bitches,.)

i mean. guys say, 'will you be MY date' , 'will you be MY girlfriend?'

why does it always have to be MY?!

cant it be. 'Can I be YOUR date?' and 'Can i be YOUR boyfriend?'

men, pride and ego. 3 bad combinations =/

selfishness.

2011-03-08T22:50:00.002+08:00

Anyways. second day without a maid.

i feel my nails starting to get weaker =/
I've been so sleepy today! =/
i never knew how to work the washing machine =/ what more the dryer?
i love driving (Y)
my doggies shit a lot.
think its time to look for recipes :) i havent actually cooked or baked anything real in a while.

Reason for putting a HUGE I as a picture is simple.

selfishness.

men and selfish.

well most of them are. not that women arent. (and i'm not really keen on being associated with any of them materialistic bitches,.)

i mean. guys say, 'will you be MY date' , 'will you be MY girlfriend?'

why does it always have to be MY?!

cant it be. 'Can I be YOUR date?' and 'Can i be YOUR boyfriend?'

men, pride and ego. 3 bad combinations =/

No maid? FML =/

2011-03-07T21:19:00.002+08:00

First day without the maid. AND..

I helped to cook =) definitely a plus point cause i only know how to make eggs. and some other random things.
feed the dogs. its a normal house chore for me but my maid and i take turns. now its only me for the next 2 weeks! =/
thank god it RAINED or i'll have to water the GARDEN! omfg. Pros and cons of having a HUGE garden!
I locked myself in my room so that i didnt have to pick the phone up XD
I took a nap at about 8am and woke up close to 1pm.
I feel my hands are starting to get callus.
I miss those times when i can shout 'KAKAK mana saya punya barang?' and even my daddy couldnt find his own stuffs!

This is JUST the beginning =/ another 2 weeks! =.

=)

2011-03-05T21:11:00.001+08:00

wish you were here =)

Frustration =/

2011-03-05T19:38:00.002+08:00

sometimes i cant help but to feel sad.

it doesnt matter if i cry.

tomorrow will be a better day.

i wish. ..

i duno what i'm hoping for anyway.

maybe i'm just hoping fr the skies to be blue and the day to be breezy tomorrow

i miss being. normal.

been feeling absolutely abnormal lately.

the sigh i give out every now and then.

i dont know what i'm frustrated about lately

maybe its the bumpy roads, the traffic lights, the crowded places, the noise the heat, the feeling of uneasiness to sleep when i dont get to talk to you.

i dont know what' going on with me.

i cant wait for college to start.

though i'm dreading the day results will be out.

again.

i'm banging on the keyboard

trying to express myself in words to the world.

i'm so tired.

of.

everything.

sometimes.

i .

just .

wanna.

runaway.

to .

the .

place.

where.

i .

find.

peace.

and the best part is, no one knows where it is ;)

LAZY =(

2011-03-02T13:50:00.002+08:00

I AM SO LAzYYYYYY!!

that word keeps appearing in my life.

I need motivation ! RAWR!

WHATTT TOOO DOOOOOO? =/

i've been playing colour balls since yesterday.

and I finished unlocking 3 Zuma stages.

ENTER =)

2011-03-01T22:35:00.004+08:00

Its the moment when you enter my life, that makes a difference =)

What's the point without independence?

2011-02-20T18:21:00.002+08:00

I hate having to depend on others.

Its so difficult to trust people to things right and on time.

Why can people obey sometimes?

Not that I'm always punctual,

but thats the problem of being independent on others.

i dont fucking get it okay?

it not my fault. its just that. everything is so fucked up.

i dont get it.

you dont help me get it.

dont promise me if you're gonna do an empty talk.

i make promises.

i try to keep them.

but i'm not independent yet. and neither do i have the freedom of doing things at my desired time.

so fuckmylife for that. okay?

but just give me time. and I'll do it for you. okay?

please! dont make anymore empty promises. I'm sick of it.

I need to get things done but with pig heads like you.

nothing will ever be done.

then comes the problem of teamwork.

another big word that needs the cooperation of so many people.

people of different types.

some who just wanna be with those who are capable of doing everything so that they dont need to do anything and they are those who bring people down.

some who are just capable and not being able to trust others to do a good job.

there's so many more.

but I guess thats just life.

yes. this is my rant.

I'm SO sick of this.

I KNOW THIS MUCH.

2011-02-19T14:53:00.003+08:00

I know that whales are the cutest creatures on earth =D

I also know that.

I dont need you in my life to be happy.

I really do wonder why people rant about being single.

IT DOESNT MATTER.

we just need to learn to love ourselves.

and be happy with whatever that may come =)

doesnt the thing that counts most is having friends to stand by our side

no matter thick or thin?

what we think is the best isnt always the best.

isnt it way better to live life to the fullest now. not bothering about the presence of the other person in our life?

I'm in love with myself. YES.

I even had a date with myself.

some may say lonesome.

but its not. its the contentment we have at the way we view life.

the optimism we have. and the personal goals that we set and achieve =D

this is a personal point of view from someone who enjoys personal contentment.

the joy is not in beating another person's highscore but your own.

i know this much.

xoxo

life is just so cute :)

2011-01-31T12:28:00.003+08:00

life is just so cute.

its so funny how you can depend on something and someone for your happiness.

and everything is just our of your control.

and when that person leaves, they leave with the best of you.

it doesnt gradually happen. but it just stops.

the person you depend on. is gone.

the thing that used to make you happy is gone.

the getting up from that downfall if difficult but it can be for the better.

talks and posts about love.

sometimes, its just ironical how you build hopes and dreams,

thinking and knowing that the love is strong and growing while things are going good.

and the next moment its like someone just robbed you of those dreams

and its all gone. the emptiness seems so difficult to be replaced.

but life goes on. none of these are mistakes.

they're risks. risks that one is willing to take.

even when they dont know how windy and rocky the road is.

and even when they dont know where the road is leading them to.

but its just so cute.

that you can do something that you want to do. and by doing that,

you're actually making someone else happy.

and every step and move you make, impacts another person.

every choice and decision, also determines someone else's.

sometimes, you're just not in control of your life. (which makes it so cute ! )

2011-01-23T19:06:00.002+08:00

you talk big. you have endless big plans. but it just never happens.

and i cant do anything because i have no control over anything.

you ruined everything.

you talk of it as a failed plan.

but if you were out of the story,

everything will still be soaring high.

i cant bear the feeling of helplessness.

everytime everything is going good.

it is just ruined.

and it has always to be you.

another rant.

2011-01-16T14:11:00.002+08:00

Thank you for always ruining everything.

I'll shut the door and sit in front of the computer for now.

Cliche.

2011-01-05T23:16:00.002+08:00

before i start.

i hope blackberry and iphone users dont get offended by this post.

Cause no offence, blackberry and iphones are SOOOO COMMON nowadays.

its not exclusive anymore!!

i'm like a few days from getting a new phone and sometimes. i feel like not even bothering to get a new one. cause having an old phone allows me to throw it around =D

and everyone asks me. WHY NOT BLACKBERRY or iPHONE!?

sorry. i dont like it.. close to hating and loathing it.

cause its too common. everyone wants it. that its EVERYWHERE now.

O.O

Just for laughs =)

2011-01-02T18:58:00.000+08:00

hey

hi

what are u doing

i'm gonna kill myself

why

u eat ready

hello

u i want to tell u something 

yes?

u now single

yeah 

why

really

wtf

if you dont believe then never mind la 

=.=

have to ask 

really?

=.=

my god 

what if i'msingle 

what you want la/.

i want u

hhaha

hahahaha

wtvr la 

sorry 

go look for someone else

but i really want u la

wtvr

plz

go ask someone else

but i really like u la

you like me 

yes

then i have to be your girlfriend is it? 

you know 

i've never seen you before

thats one 

two

you said you've seen b=me before 

yes

but you dont even dare intrpduce yourself to me

so?

i dont know anything about you

are you just desperate for a girlfriend ?

and you dont even talk to me much 

just cause i'm single 

u can ask my friends

i'm not fucking desperate for a boyfriend

so?

why do i wanna ask your friends?

what kinda fucking relationship is that 

if i only know you 

through your friends

and not know you for who you trully are?

how i want to tell u

how i knoe?

know*

thats up to you to convince me 

and its up to you to make me like you 

u want to go out with my friends

why would i wanna go out with your friends?

i dont even know them

=.=

my friends is gavin 

u know him right

whatever la.

are you desperate?

for a girlfriend?

i do no how i want to talk with u

but i just can tell u 

i really like u

how do you know you like me?

you dont even know me 

=.=

okay 

what makes you think i'll be your girlfriend?

=.=

yes

6:17pm

okay 

one thing 

i cant tell you 

CAN**

is that

i'll say NO 

cause 

1. you're asking me on FACEBOOK 

2. I DONT KNOW YOU.

3.

you seem fucking desperate

4. i dont like you  

so?

5. i dont need a fucking boyfriend

oh oh. and

6.

it feels like half the time. you dont even understand a word i'm saying

6:20pmi understand
all your cause i say no
i not like that
okay 
what u mean
but i really love u
and i want u be my girlfriends 
i'm sure the word 'love' is something that you throw around so often that its nothing to you anymore 
what ever 
my answer is still no 

plz
no 
=.=
i really like 
6:23pmyou like then like la 
like i give a fuck about you liking me 
=.=
u want i give fuck to u
huhuhuh
go fuck yourself la please
whatever. 
but please i really love u
6:27pmif you think by saying that, i'm gonna be touched and soft hearted, sorry 
you've got the wrong person
and if you think by pissing me off right now, is gonna make me like you, then fuck off 
i not got a wrong person but a my love 
6:29pmwhatever la. 
okay
till the day 
you actually dare to talk to me FACE TO FACE
and actually ASK ME 
FACE TO FACE 
then dont bother asking me again. 
wait 
you know what. 
dont even bother liking me anymore. 
dont bother even TALKING to me anymore. 
how about that?
i still one u
please
no. 
okay 
dont talk to me
ever again
okay?
please 
NO! 
omg 
dont you understand?
i want u my gf
no
haha
6:33pmi dont wanna TALK TO YOU 
bye
you dont even understand what does 'i dont wanna talk to you' mean. 
and you think i'll say yes to being your 'girlfriends'?
=.=
sheesh
i'm just gonna block you on facebook okay? 




what u want me to do
nothing 
dont do anything
go ask someone else
go like someone else
but i really like u
okay 
I DONT CARE 
please really really want u be my girlfriends 
how i want to tell u
i really like u
okay now i understand what do u mean 
now
yeah 
now that you understand 
GOOD 
cause my answer is STILL NO 
when u want to say yes
6:45pmnever! 

2010-12-24T19:08:00.001+08:00

One thing i know is that i have had enough of being your puppet.

IT sucks. when you dont get what you want. but neither do i get everything i want. so suck it up and keep quiet. and the worst part is when we've been fucking nice. and you always have high expectations. and when you're let down. you get pissed like fuck. AH FUCK YOU

Giving A Chance = Building Hopes

2010-12-17T23:40:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, i feel like saying, I've grown. i remembered that day when i was sitting around all the uncles and after a great run, just listening to them crap is pretty interesting :)

Think i should be hitting the gym soon :)

you know what, I feel bad. when people ignore the elderly. maybe its because i've got a soft spot for them. but really. i mean. ageing is a natural process in life and we have to just accept them the way they are. and its pretty funny the way they act. i mean. as they age, they somehow become a little more childish. you'll never know. but my grandaunt sat down with me to watch 101 Dalmations just a few days ago :) it felt nice. and it even more saddening that everytime i follow her to the market. i tell myself that. i'll have to appreciate her and the way she does things, the things she do and say. they way she treats me, the way she talks to me and everything about her that makes HER the way she is right now. cause in maybe a few years to come, i'm gonna miss all that. i dont wanna lose her cause i've lost all my grandparents and i do miss them. I long for things those things. really. sometimes. it just saddens me to see the way people act towards the people they have in life that they think are unnecessary. but the thing is. EVERYONE is important. i've never judged people by the things they have and the benefits they bring to one's life. and i absolutely dislike people who do that.

EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE.

i dont know how much tears i've shed within this whole week and i dont wanna think about it but i guess. some people dont really understand.

DRAINED =D

2010-12-17T23:19:00.002+08:00

How long do you need to know someone to finally know how they really feel by the things they do and the words they say even without directly telling you how they really feel?

Its crazy that i forgot its a friday night hoping people were free. I'm bored outta my wits. I miss my friends. I wanna do something crazy. but i cant help but to listen. I wonder why do people try to control everything. If i wanna break lose, its a matter of time that i will go. you cant hold me down. I never remembered crying so hard and long. I've never been so disturbed. I'd rather all of you be gone from my life. 8 days of peace. now 7 days left. Really? I'm still getting useless mails for you. whatever. not that i can stop what you wanna do. but really. its so difficult to tell the truth. the situation that you've made has made it difficult for me to say what i really want to. I dont wanna talk to you anymore. I cried cause i couldnt handle the truth. I know you cant either but you try to take control of what is out of your reach. Do what you want. its not the first time. I really count myself as a doll. to actually listen to what you're telling me to do and not to do. really. i cant want to just get out. 7 days more in this sad place. Its not a happy place anymore. Its the same empty cold place i've been to for the past i dont know how many years. maybe not that all cold. its just warm. and the only place i find 'home' is exactly where i am. the times where i'd lock the door just to be alone. Whatever. you'll definitely deny the blame. but i couldnt be bothered. i'm just waiting for time to get rid of whatever that's been dawned on me lately. you've made me in a way scared of you. no. not scared, really. i cry almost everytime i think of this. i dont know what else to say. my diary isnt much use to me nowadays cause i'm just too lazy to write and i like to type more. Hmm.

You know. I've been taking a lot lately. for you. i wonder if you know. soemtimes, i dont think you do. life has been easy for you. everything has been made easy for you. the things that you do amazes me. I dont think i'll ever find anyone as interesting as you but i wonder if deep down inside, you really understand me. I enjoy the days we had together. but i told you of the days ahead. and i still havent got your answer if you're ready for it all. its easy for me to let go anytime. but i just dont want to. i wonder if things will be as easy for you. you seem to think of everything so much more than i do. you say you're stressed. but seriously. you're stressing about how to have fun to the max while i'm here taking all these. thanks a lot. it may seem mean but really. last time. you told me so much has changed. but now that i have the time and all, i think it has gone to the other extreme. you know. i really dont mind living like that. but last time we were talking about the past and how much we wanted things to get back to the way it used to be. I guess, its never coming back, eh? well, the days are still counting and with all the hopes and dreams you and i had, i hope it brings us far.

Great, I've drained my brains out :)

Hmmm

2010-12-16T02:07:00.002+08:00

sometimes.

i wonder if it is a matter of worth.

or the effort thats been put into trying.

everyone deserves a second chance.

i feel bad to those who dont.

there're so many things in life that you can control.

but the one thing that is out of your power is when it involves someone else.

its never easy to start loving someone

neither will it be easy to stop.

if with the most honest opinion,

you say that you never believe it from the start that there's an end,

then why bother even starting it?

i believe you that you'll never do many things.

and i trust you with that.

now to put you through the final test.

to see how you convey the message and betray your own kind.

hmm.

not everyone gets a prince charming in the end.

but its not up to you to decide if that person is a prince charming or not.

it is only between the two people who are able to evaluate each other.

Hmmm

2010-12-07T23:52:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, you can be so fucking annoying.

2010-12-04T23:03:00.002+08:00

I kinda feel like that in the picture now!

omg.

PARENTS! what annoyance they bring!

its so not my fault when they arrange for things but they get angry after that. UGH! .

its so not frigging my fault!

RAWR! omg. i just feel like crying and then banging their heads.

knock some sense into their weirded out numb skull and omg!!!!! they're so annoying! EVERYTHING is annoying! wth?! I'm so in the mood to curse now!!!!

RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

GO AWAY! i so dont wanna friend you.. god they make a big fuss out of everything. sometimes they can be soooo sensible. then they just lose it. god... fuck those moments.

i'm annoyed.

very much .

RAWR!

I dont feeel like doig anything'ripo ewjfvgfvu;erhv;erubvedijbv;DUBV cvh WHV wvhduobvhfuvbhduvbDUOVHuvbdubvav

FUCK YOU !

2010-12-01T22:58:00.001+08:00

ADD MATHS WAS... GOOD :D 'Nuff Said :D

2010-11-29T23:06:00.003+08:00

i dont know what else i can say.

we view life so differently.

now you've known something.

you pretend to know so much.

i cant tell you anything

cause you'll think i'm defending. you know what?

I'd rather you just fuck off cause you dont know anything.

I see things beyond that.

You said i Didnt.

I do now.

I just think that people deserve chances.

and that people are different from who you think they are.

You know what?

You're just fucking my life.

Get lost

2010-11-28T22:12:00.001+08:00

I HATE NOSY PEOPLE.

I mean.

its okay if you care.

but if you dont wanna support me through what i wanna do

and you're just making things bad,

eff off. PLEASE! -.-

FTW.

2010-11-23T22:55:00.001+08:00

I always talked about how I never like you doing things but you never said anything. I hope things arent ruined. I just never thought about things sometimes. I'm sorry

2010-11-23T18:42:00.002+08:00

Why is it that everytime an episode pasts, and I try to find something sweet, another wave of disappointment hits me?

2010-11-22T20:41:00.000+08:00

You know what. Tonight I'm just gonna sleep early. I don't feel like staying up. I don't like what I just heart. My heart is pumping crazy and I just wanna lock myself somewhere and cry. I miss my daddy already. And there's another 4 days more till he'll be back. Hmmm. Me no likey.

2010-11-22T18:21:00.002+08:00

Times changes people.

Right now, I just wanna make peace with those who I've disliked.

I was such a terrible kid last time

But anyways,

I'm still a kid who wants everything MY way.

I KNOW! I'm such a brat to begin with.

I mean. Last night I made someone stay up till 4 something

cause I just felt like talking things out.

You know.

Sometimes.

I wonder why I'm so dumb.

To just keep hurting and hurting inside.

I wonder so many things.

I keep it in thought but I dont wanna say it out.

I sound like a lunatic even trying to do something like that.

You can hate me all you want.

Cause I hate myself for doing that.

My mind is so filled with apologies but

thats all there is to it.

Its a chapter closed.

But I'm curious to know what happened.

But if I know what happened,

I'll just hurt me even deeper.

The surge of emotions,

The race of my heartbeat.

The stabbing of a knife.

The light headed ness

Tells me to....

2010-11-22T11:03:00.002+08:00

Accidents happen.

Maybe its just a disastrous accident.

I saw my written past.

It was so nice.

I never thought of letting go.

But I did.

I'm not regretting.

I'm just wondering if it was a wise decision.

Hmmmm.

One after another.

I deleted them.

I feel like a lifeless monster.

2010-11-22T09:22:00.002+08:00

Today, I visited the place that

used to bring me happiness

I still wanna go there.

But now, it still saddens me a little.

Its like.

I never knew how

it could happen.

That every time I see it.

It gives me a stab to the heart.

It sounds crazy.

But I need to

Get this OUT of my system.

cause its being so fucked up.

2010-11-22T01:39:00.003+08:00

you know.

its like.

i never minded it.

cause i never knew anything further.

but .

it hurts.

to make

shocking discoveries.

even if it doesnt matter.

it just hurts.

to know things.

i used to want to know things.

but now.

its worse.

its like an indescribable feeling i have in me.

of fear and sadness.

its not easy to comprehend.

the past will always be the past.

but.

still.

it just frigging

HURTS.

2010-11-20T01:10:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry if i never said it.

I blame myself for what happened tonight

and i'd do anything to fix it. its not your problem

but mine.

I love you

and thats all i can say

2010-11-13T12:04:00.000+08:00

I feel like crying..

2010-11-12T09:58:00.004+08:00

How do you know that things are over?

I thought it was going good.

Then it just stopped.

I'm glad I've found someone new.

But still, we were the best of friends.

I'm not trying to rekindle anything.

I just wanted to know that I didn't lose my bestfriend.

For a long long time,

I find myself not thinking about the past.

As you said once, things may happen.

I broke my promise to you.

It was difficult.

But in a way I gave it a long thought and thought it was for the better.

For now.

And maybe, always.

I dont want to let this chance slip

I dont want to regret not trying things.

I hope that things will be alright soon,

Cause for me,

Everything is going great.

2010-11-12T09:47:00.002+08:00

You know what?

people are pretty just the way they are

its weird that some girls can put make up and look like unrecognizable dolls.

its not exactly weird, more like scary.

i know its an art.

but the beauty in them is totally covered

i thought cosmetics were products to make someone look better. and to enhance one's beauty.

i think i can count people as abusing cosmetics from now on.

Hmmm. maybe its just cause i dont use that much of make up i feel funny around people that do :P

2010-10-28T11:20:00.002+08:00

Its complicating. I'm just at the beginning but i'm still smiling :)

2010-10-20T15:26:00.001+08:00

RAWR!

I dont know what to do. somehow all enthusiasm died what i talked to you. :P

I'm placing my rant here :D

2010-10-17T22:48:00.002+08:00

Must everything I do have a reason?

Must you know every single detail of my life? Mind you, you don't even ever wanna tell me things when I ask till I give up, feel like I dont wanna bother asking or even knowing. I cant say that that's my fault, cause everytime I wanna tell you something, you're just not there. I even if i tell you? what do i get? Nothing. just a fucking short reply. Fine. Its not like i'm the one that's gonna bother asking anymore. You wanna treat me that way?, fine, everyone's busy with something. I just always put everything away for you. i guess you never realised that. so fine! I know you have the power of making me come back to you. This is not the end but its just what i feel now. You tell me to come online, i listen to you. you ask me anything, I'll listen to you. you say i complain too much, fine. i dont complain. what more do you want? sheesh? i'm trying to tell you that what you're doing will lead you to depression. you wanna do it, go ahead. and after all, you just say 'i'm going. bye' and leave. you know what? fuck you. cause i've had a tough week, i'm so sick of this, my dad has became naggy - yeah blame menopause! One whole dinner i use my chopstick and nothing falls out. next dinner, we're eatin the same thing one fucking fish ball drops and you scold me. ! like whatthefuck? i was having a fucking headache since morning ! mu fucking brain was throbbing, i swear blood could've popped out like a fountain if someone put a needle to it. Whatever la. you say i complain too much, as long as i'm not complaining to you why bother? anyway,i realised you're a waste of my time. You know. there're soo many things i wanna tell you right now? but i'm sure you're enjoying your life away to even care about me anymore. that promise that you made, its officially gone. even throwing my phone away right now would be a good idea.

2010-10-10T23:27:00.004+08:00

Is it that difficult to let go?

Cause there're still thoughts of you and I lingering.

You seemed to have moved on easy.

While I'm still here.

Thinking of you.

Its a long time more.

But a promise is a promise.

I'm keeping my word and staying strong till the end.

Did you forget what you said?

FYI,

Its the thought of you that puts me to bed every night.

2010-10-07T17:42:00.002+08:00

You know what. I shall not care about you anymore.

2010-10-07T14:40:00.002+08:00

This has officially became my ranting spot.

1. I screwed up Physics of all the fucking subject, I fucked physics up. Tears wont work. Its high time to get my butt to sit down and open the fucking book.

2. Is it the me, the stupid headache, flu, and that numbness I feel? I'm literally half numb. I tried pinching myself and it doesn't fucking feel pain. Can I blame this for my loss?

3. Am I the only one who really cares about this? Cause it doesn't seem like you wanna talk to me at all. I'm serious. I don't know what else I can do to please you. I talk to you all the time, I try to make things lighter, I tell you almost everything and all I get are a few questions and silence. What the fuck is going on?

4. I'm fucking pissed cause of exams. I hardly have enough sleep and I'm relying on caffeine to get me through.

5. Why do people frustrate over small things like girlfriends.Who cares if you have one or not. If you already have one, then be happy and live your life. Dont go 'i wanna see you' and all. Thats utter crap. I'm fucking serious. Who the fuck goes 'I'm not okay because my girlfriend just broke up with me.' fine. one or two days is fine. Dont go 'Im not okay' ALL the time cause your fucking girlfriend dumped you.

6. I'm gonnna stop here before I hurt anyone. :D

I fucking hate tuition. Yes.. GO TO HELL. you deserve that much.

2010-09-19T23:42:00.000+08:00

I think I'm gonna cry. I lost it !

how can I?>

I'm fucking mad.

i want it back

2010-09-10T11:18:00.003+08:00

If tomorrow never comes, will you ever regret the days when you spend your time just sitting around and doing nothing but thinking about all the negative things and how life is treating you so badly? Even if I wanted to help, you would turn to anyone but me. I can comprehend. Although we don't speak the same language, I think that if I can take my time to sit down and listen to you, the least you can do is try to open up and accept me for not being the person you expect me to be, things could probably work out and life wont be that harsh on you anymore.

2010-08-30T11:50:00.002+08:00

i know that, of all the people, you're the one who was true to me and cared for me the most, i just never appreciated you and that makes me feel like shit right now. You've set the standards high and i dont know if anyone else can fill those spaces. I just wanted to say thank you. and I'm honestly sorry for the way things have turned out, I know there's no turning back but I'm sure you'll find someone much better than me to complete you. Thats all I wanted to say.

GREAT! I've announced to the whole world about how I personally feel about this ' thing '. ANYWAYS !

PEOPLE ! LIFE IS GOOD ! :D

WAYWEN, RICHIE AND PENG HOOI! if and when you're reading this, KNOW THAT I MISS YOU GUYS HERE ! and i'm waiting for PH's chocolate cake <3 I WILL REPLY YOU GUYS MORE OFTEN :P ahahaha. pinkie promise ! :D

ANd SNM :D I know you're reading this and if this ever turned out to be an 'emo' post, you'll kill me. SO! i'm here to say ! LIFE IS AWESOME :) (but i still hate studying) hhahah!

2010-08-07T12:14:00.002+08:00

i'd just wanna say that i'm tired of compromising. it sucks. and it seems to make me feel like there's no time left in the hell hole. like seriously, i fucking hate tuitions on saturdays and sundays cause honestly, its the days where i have time for myself to do whatever i want. thanks people for screwing everying up. i fucking hate you and spm and everyone that contributed to this should be on some list. like this revenge list. thanks people for making form 5 one of the most momorable years of my schooling life. to hell with it.

2010-08-07T02:22:00.002+08:00

I dont know why. But i was feeling happy and contented. now i somehow just feel like crying. there's this certain heavy feeling i have in my heart. and i dont like it. in a way i do wanna scream but i wanna do it silently. i wanna cry but there's nothing to cry about. if you're proving to be a bitch, the thing that i usually resort to doing is just ignoring you. but this time, there's and addiction. its so wrong. it feels wrong, i know its wrong. but its fucked up that i didnt anticipate this certain feeling. hmm.

2010-08-01T22:51:00.002+08:00

I miss those times when you were the one I always turned to. Right now, I feel lost, like a handicapped. There's just something missing in me. Some emptiness. I miss the things i used to love. funny how i just lost contact with those i love and lost connection with those i was so dependent on. The only thing i want now is something i must let go.Its true. In no time. Everything I cherished and look forward to will be gone. Its just like people coming and going. they sometimes never come back.

2010-07-29T00:01:00.003+08:00

i somehow dont know how a guy like you came to know a girl like me.

with nothing in common.

and nothing to talk about.

2010-07-21T17:18:00.001+08:00

You know. I think you were right about almost everything. Its kinda true that i shut people out of my life especially those who care for me most. I dont know why i do it but it somehow just happened. I realized that some of the people who care for me the most is you and another couple of people, probably but i dont know. I didnt know how to appreciate them and i think i've ruined things . Its scary that i needed you to tell me that. I mean its something that i would’ve never thought about. And i dont think anyone would’ve told me. I feel really bad for what i’ve done. I wonder if there’re ways to make amends. Cause if there’s a way to turn back time, i would really want to.

2010-07-21T02:50:00.001+08:00

I'll never forget

2010-07-19T01:53:00.002+08:00

I dont know how I built my foundation on secrets. Secrets that were never meant to be there. Root of evil and branches of the devil. You're all I have no matter how much I avoid you, you're there and it was just a matter of time that I'd get used to you being there. Now that I have, you're officially all I have. All the more reasons to keep you mine and mine only.

2010-07-17T22:36:00.002+08:00

You know, after THAT incident, there's just an endless stream of questions that flows through my mind. I'm bored and I just felt like crapping. I hate you asking me those questions. Damn. You make yourself sound like my father! wait. more like my mother. you know, those who go on and on about the same thing?

GOSH! somehow, i dont know if i wanna continue any of this. Its CRAZY and STUPID!

I'm just so sick of keeping so many secrets. I'm tired and I dont wanna do anything else. LiveWithIT.

2010-07-11T03:37:00.002+08:00

Funny how things unfold.

Some things will remain untold.

Probably till one day when we're too old.

And the memories sealed will never be sold.

2010-07-08T23:49:00.002+08:00

its never too easy to forget...

is it?

hmmm.

random thoughts on a playlist.

Its me, not you.

2010-07-08T23:23:00.003+08:00

There's so many things on my mind.

Useless things and honestly,

i'm lost and i dont know what to do.

trying to solve it on my own seems too much.

and i really do miss people.

its been eons since i've actually been HERE.

its just that.

i like something too much i dont seem to realise that.

there's so many things i'm neglecting.

i wish i could undo some things.

and think through about the others to come.

god i dont know how much i wanna talk to you right now.

you know, so much has changed,

i wonder if things still can stay the same.

i dont know what i've been doing to miss out on so much.

i guess time just passes by too fast.

i dont ever want anyone to replace you.

or come close to that.

i'm not perfect.

not anything close to that.

but i know that we never really cared.

i'm not looking for anything more than we've shared.

but. i think.. things are just... slipping out of place.

i'll never let go till you say its over for good.

2010-07-06T00:04:00.002+08:00

i've got no fucking mood to do any fucking thing!

2010-06-26T19:29:00.002+08:00

I really do NOT GET a thing.

seriously, my brother is angry at me over a piece of meat.

OH YES, food IS god. and i probably took his god away by eating the nice part of the meat and threw god away when i threw the skin away. i honestly do not know how some people can stand eating the fat. it tastes horrible. sorry to all the fatty lovers. i just cant take the taste of it anymore. and for that, i'll have to hold onto my cravings for pizza for another week. hurm. I MISS CHEESEEE :( i think i'm gonna cry myself to bed if i cant get it :P sorry. i'ma real brat.

i dont know la. probably the whole world is having mood swings and i'm the one thats suppose to bear everything. he totally finished the sprite and chipsters i bought yesterday. and i didnt say anything!!

i was late when he came to pick me and its so not my fault! whatever la. stupid effing traffic jam.

okayyy.. i think i'm gonna go now. sulk at one corner. gosh. i'll miss.....